Do You Bring TOO Much to the Table?

I am supposed to begin treatment at a local eating disorder outpatient facility. The facility has recently undergone some changes and is now part of another mental health care group. I say all that to acknowledge that it IS still in the growing stages and things do tend to go slightly awry at start ups and such. That being said, I have been in contact with the marketing director and also have gone through the assessment protocol. One of the qualifications is medical clearance, EKG, blood work, your basic physical stuff. So I took care of all of that. This was NOT an easy thing for me to do as the first, the very first, question on the physical clearance form is weight. Now, I do not weigh. There are too many reasons to list, so we will just leave it at that. But, I gathered up all my courage, stuck it in my bra where all important things you don't want to forget are placed, and went for the physical.
So far, so good. I made it. The next step was waiting for blood work, etc to come back and make it to the clinic so I could get started. Again, I've been in treatment for addiction before, just not for an eating disorder, and I am honestly more frightened of this than of any treatment or recovery work I have faced in my life. I know many reasons why this is the case, and I also know this fear must mean it is very important. So, again courage in the bra as I wait for the start date.
AND THEN, you knew there had to be more, I go to see my therapist last week. Great guy, been working with him for years. He has an abundance of all the qualities a good therapist needs to be effective. ANYWAY, he tells me he received a call last week from the clinical director of this program, a lady who is very well-known in this area for her eating disorder expertise. I have never met this lady. I wouldn't know her if she walked into this coffee house and sat with me. She, however, tells my therapist that she is concerned that I might be 'bringing too much to the table." WTF. Does that mean what I think it means? That I am too crazy for treatment? That I am a hopeless case. And what table? And what am I bringing to it that is more or less or different in some way than other eating disordered people seeking treatment. Let me tell you, my ego took a direct hit. I mean how could it not? I know I have issues, and I know I have been working on them for some time and have had some great success. I am not a liability in any way I can see. I'm not a s&*#stirrer. I participate and contribute to group when appropriate. It did help, a lot, that my therapist who knows me better than anybody, was equally confused and disturbed. I kept asking him what he wasn't telling me. What's wrong with me that even I don't know about yet? He had no answers. He was as baffled as the next person, who was me. Besides my ego being stabbed, I was scared. Now what? I was kinda leapfrogging to the program while I still had the balls to do so. Am I back at the beginning? Is my cobra insurance going behind my back in an attempt to rid themselves of my off the chart mental health bills? I don't know.

Keeping in mind I've never laid eyes on this woman, nor spoken to her, I cannot imagine where this information is coming from, so I think my therapist and I were perfectly justified to be in such a baffled state. Unless he was lying to me and knows I am so out there there are not even words to describe the state.

BUT, and isn't there always one, my avenger-therapist calls the marketing director, who he knows personally, and they determine it isn't even me the clinical director was referring to when she called. SHE CALLED THE WRONG THERAPIST ABOUT THE WRONG CLIENT. We aren't even going to go into the hipaa laws or whatever and releases of information that were never signed. While I was certainly relieved that I'm only the degree of nuts I've known about all along and there isn't anything new I need to be freakin' about, the whole thing doesn't instill a great amount of confidence in the program. Besides, the whole episode triggered my ptsd and now I probably need to return to the Life Healing Center for a refresher course. And, if I'm being told the truth that it is not me, there is someone out there who still has too much for the table.

Ok, final decision at this point in the day which may change in 2 seconds: I will probably enroll in the treatment program regardless of this mix-up. The primary reason, besides the fact they are new and growing pains are bound to occur, is that my therapist has great respect for the therapists in this program and maintains that despite what has happened heretofore I will be hard pressed to find the quality of therapists they offer. So, because I trust him, and because I believe this happened for some reason, I will go into the program with as open mind as possible, hoping I do nothing that my be too much for the table. I really have nothing to lose but some time which I am mostly wasting these days anyway. The treatment is fully covered by my insurance and good heavens knows this eating disorder that has ran my life since before conscious memories needs to be addressed.

ps. The zoo was amazing. Simply amazing. I made some incredible 8 year old friends. I believe we both enjoyed the field trip more just by being together.