Love Dousing

Alex Blackwell is the founder of  The Bridgemaker, a site which houses his blog on personal growth and change. It has an amazing following and offers readers huge doses of hope and motivation. Today's post deals with moments of truth, or as Alex puts it, those moments when you "felt love pour all over you."
I do have some of those moments, despite the occasional conviction that I do not. Alex refers to a lip-synching performance, which reminded me of one of my own. I was Whoopi Goldberg in her Sister Act role leading a group of nuns/teachers in Hail Holy Queen in a stadium full of 7th-12th graders. It was an incredible feeling. But then my head goes to what happened a few years later and how I don't teach in that district anymore and why. Nothing about that feels good or anything remotely like love pouring over me. Why can't I just stop at goodness? Instead, I choose to beat myself down with rest of the story. He also talks about removing those demon claws and claiming our own power to do just that. I've had some success removing claws, and I definitely think it's time for some more extracting. I mean how do I know, really, how the rest of the story really goes? I'm in it. Every day is part of the rest of the story and for the longest time, to what extent I have control over it, my role in the story involves self-sabotage and downright emotional and verbal abuse to self. No way would I say the things to someone else that I say to myself. It's gotta stop, or at least slow down.
Truth is, I have many moments when I felt love pour all over me. Every time I perform and the audience is responding, it is a spiritual experience rich with love. Then there are those family moments like when one of my teen-age daughters randomly does or says something that lets me know I'm not always a huge, embarrassing burden to bear. Or when my ex-husband encourages me despite all the reasons I've given him to do otherwise. So, I'm going to work on declawing demons and practicing a little self-love. Thank you, Mr. Alex Blackwell, for helping me to remember all those amazing love dousings.